


Step Two

by neversaydie



Series: Juno Steel and The Great Unfuckening [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Complicated Relationships, Juno Steel is trying to work on his shit, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Peter Nureyev just wants his datemate to be healthy, Vomiting, is that self esteem I see??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 20:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20936384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: Juno doesn't know how the fuck things reached a point where he's being laden down with so many medications he's going to rattle when he walks, but he decidedly does not like it."What the fuck are those?""They're for anxiety. And no, they're not opiate based," he's pretty sure his face gets hot when Buddy just throws that out there like it's obvious he used to have a problem, but Juno's a little grateful for the consideration anyway. "Still, mixing them with alcohol could cause some nasty consequences, so I wouldn't do it."Juno, of course, does it.[in which Juno tries to unfuck his brain and manages to fuck his body in the process, but Peter is there so it can't be all that bad, really.]





	Step Two

"You want me to _what_?" 

Buddy doesn't have two heads, sure, but the way Juno's looking at her could lead you to be mistaken. She looks almost sympathetic despite his reaction and pushes the slim green pill container into his hands regardless. She does that a lot, ignore Juno's objections in favour of following her own mind. As annoying as he finds it to say, Juno has to admit she's usually right.

"I want to talk about this about as much as you do, darling, but it needs to be said," Buddy cuts Juno off as he splutters, trying to find a way out of this before she's even made her case. The med bay feels way too small right now, and he's never liked having his back against a wall at the best of times. "I know a thing or two about unnecessary suffering, and I sure as hell know it when I see it. You're a mess, kid. You're not sleeping or eating right, and if you keep jumping at shadows you're either gonna have a nervous breakdown or give everyone else one."

"Buddy-"

"At this point, I'm worried you're gonna be compromised on a job. It's not a suggestion, Juno, it's an order," her face softens and she squeezes one of Juno's shaking hands, briefly. "Just give them a try. If they don't work, we'll figure out something else."

"I... usually try and take pills that are more fun than this,"Juno's glad his voice is at least steady, even if the rest of him isn't. The container of drugs that are supposed to make his brain work better feels heavier than it should do, giving Juno horrible reminders of when the HCPD put him in therapy after his brother's death. They didn't work then - although, that might have been to do with the, uh, additional opiates he was taking - so why would antidepressants work now?

"That's another thing, pal. Probably not a good idea to drink on those," Juno definitely baulks at that, although Buddy just keeps ignoring his reactions like she'd already expected each and every one. He's not exactly subtle about how much he drinks, but he likes to think he keeps the worst of it away from the rest of the crew - at least enough that he shouldn't need an automatic warning. "Or these. Especially not these."

This time the rectangular container is pink. Juno doesn't know how the fuck things reached a point where he's being laden down with so many medications he's going to rattle when he walks, but he decidedly does _not _like it. 

"What the fuck are those?"

"They're for anxiety. And no, they're not opiate based," he's pretty sure his face gets hot when Buddy just throws that out there like it's _obvious _he used to have a problem, but Juno's a little grateful for the consideration anyway. He's not sure he could sit here with his drug of choice in his hands and say no to it, not right now. Fuck, he _is_ a mess. "Still, mixing them with alcohol could cause some nasty consequences, so I wouldn't do it."

Juno, of course, does it. 

And, of _course_,it's Peter who comes across him puking his guts up at two in the morning because he couldn't sleep and the small amounts of booze he'd been ingesting to stave off withdrawal just weren't cutting it. Because Juno famously has the best luck in the fucking world, of course it's the guy he's soul-scouringly in love with who finds him gripping onto the toilet for dear life because he's too dizzy to hold himself up otherwise. Because things have always gone right for Juno, and this is just one more tally in the win column. He hopes the universe was smart enough to at least put a bounty on his head, so _someone _would get something out of his shitty life.

Peter, being a class act in spite of his terrible taste in men, makes sure Juno doesn't drown in his own puke and even rubs his back through his ratty sweater until he's finally, blessedly done. He helps Juno lie down on the tiny bathroom floor while he cleans up - this is the least ladylike Juno has ever felt and he used to hang out in sewers, for fuck's sake - before carefully getting his (friend? almost boyfriend that one time before Juno Juno-ed all over it?) partner to his feet. 

"My dear I know I said you should cope however you could, but really," he sounds so worried, concern thick in his voice as he helps Juno back to his room and Juno stumbles and sways the entire way. Peter thinks he drank himself sick on purpose, great. That makes him look like the kind of stable and rational individual you might accept an apology from after they broke your heart. "You do have to stay alive to keep coping."

"I didn't- s'not what happened," Juno's head is still spinning as Peter deposits him on the thin bunk, and he can't close his eye because it just makes the feeling worse so he just... looks at Nureyev. Not like he minds the view. 

"Juno," Peter looks pointedly at the whiskey and cup on the narrow desk bolted into the wall and sighs. "Please don't lie to me."

"M'not," he gestures clumsily and manages to knock one of the pill containers off the corner of the desk, which only leads Nureyev to push him back into bed before he overbalances and hits the floor again. "Look, see? Not s'posed to drink with 'em but I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid," Peter corrects him absently even as he's clearly not paying attention - instead focused on the pills with an unreadable look on his face - and something about the casual, unconcealed care makes Juno's heart do something he's pretty sure isn't related to the medication. "These are... where did you get these?"

"Buddy. Trying to unfuck my brain," Juno laughs a little at the concept, but it's more of a hollow snort than anything. Peter is still inscrutable, probably would be even if Juno were only seeing one of him, and Juno wraps his arms around himself with a quiet groan. "M'trying, Nureyev. I think I'm trying. Don't wanna be fucked up anymore."

"I'm... happy to hear that, Juno. Very happy," he walks the couple of steps to the bed and hesitates before running a hand gently over Juno's hair. Juno could die at how nice it feels in the middle of everything being seasick and awful, that simple touch anchoring him and promising that he'll come out the other side of this. Whether _this _means a bad trip mixing substances or a lifetime of learning to hate himself. It feels like there could be another side to get to, when Peter touches him like that. "Will you try and get some sleep, now? And please don't drink any more, I only have the strength to scrape you off the bathroom floor once a night."

"Yeah, yeah. Promise," Juno tries to catch his hand when he turns to leave, but ends up more pawing at Nureyev's forearm than anything. Luckily, the guy doesn't seem to mind all that much. "Peter... thanks. For, y'know, the scraping."

"In light of everything, you're welcome," he smiles at Juno, just a little quirk at the corner of his mouth... but it's the first time Juno's seen him _really _smile since they were reunited. It hits him like a sucker punch he wouldn't even try and duck if he could. Has the prospect of Juno actually working on himself made him that happy? "Get some rest, dear."

He's out of the door before Juno can say goodnight, which is probably a good thing seeing as Juno would probably try and slur his way through some kind of shitty apology in this state. Peter deserves better than that, and a tiny part of Juno is starting to believe he might be able to be part of that better. Maybe. One day. If his luck does a complete one-eighty. 

The spins aren't quite so intense when he moves his head experimentally, so Juno bites the bullet and rolls over so he actually has a chance of falling asleep tonight. He makes some kind of pathetic noise, feeling _very _sorry for himself, and glares at the traitorous whiskey on the table before he closes his eye and tries to pretend he's a normal person who can fall asleep almost at will. This is always the point where Juno has given up on any efforts to fix himself, and has slipped bad habits on like a comfortable old coat. Somehow, though, this time feels different. 

Step one to solving a problem is admitting it exists, that's what people have always told him. Maybe this is step two. 


End file.
